| winter |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|01:54 pm] |
Well I've all but in trapped in my place with either a ton of snow or very cold air.
I'm really ready for school. Lately I've been on talker again. It just makes me happy
to catch up and talk to new people as well. Seems being away and coming back is refreshing.
I don't know of any drama which is really nice. Offline I'll be doing some changes. I plan to end my current relationship, which has become a dead end. I'll talk to her but I don't expect much. I hopefully won't get the same response back. Long story short she never went threw with her divorce. When I met her she had filed but never went through with it in time. It was past the deadline date. She said she was going to file in spring but her actions indicate differently. So the talk tonight. I told her way back she needed to be separated again. I don't date married woman. |
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| Life update |
[Mar. 20th, 2007|10:55 am] |
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i felt the urge to actually write down some thoughts and feelings along with events in my life. Last week i went through another rough week physically. My pain was worse than ever and moved to my shoulders some. My only comfort was puting my mind elsewhere. This worked for awhile, but stopped recently. i called my doc and got my pain med up'd and am all good. i still can't sleep though. It's more of a mental thing and i'll address this tonight. i use visualization techniques to relax myself. i felt guilty recently when talking to Avra. i realize how bad a friend we've been with each other. Never talking to each other. My motivation and energy level just hasn't been there. One great thing is i'm feeling less numb in general. i FEEL more now. Lots more on my mind, but i really don't feel it belongs on here, but in personal notes/emails. Seems like it's been years since i was owned. i'm glad i'm not owned cause i don't want to spend my time in a relationship that'll not carry to offline and reach my goals and long-term needs. Enough random thoughts. i hope to talk to the people i care about soon and i'll make more of an effort to be online. Atleast on Yahoo. |
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| update |
[Mar. 1st, 2007|10:25 am] |
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i've been quite happy since being off talkers. i sure got burnt out and realized i was strongly drawn to talkers for 2 years. i snuck on a few talkers today and i feel detached from the people there. It felt sureal and cold. There are a few people i miss and i'll still stop by, but doubt it'll be consistant. Onto other news. I'll be working p.t. from home as well as my current job. It's nothing overly exciting, but i'll be doing a few small projects for cash. i'll be out of town the next several weekends at friends or hotels depending on my plans. i hope my body will handle all the traveling. My body has stabilized again and i haven't lost strength the past month. hop hop. Still frustrating that i lost some though and haven't gotten it back. Could be far worse. |
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| random update on life |
[Jan. 18th, 2007|09:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hinder | ] |
I hope everybody had a great New Years. i do wish everybody had a good New Year. My big resolution was to eat better. i've found myself not very motivated to be on talkers. Lack of motivation. Getting my energy level up can be an issue when i know there are other offline goals that take priority. i treasure each online friendship i do have. New Years was a blast. i saw a live band. Got hit on by several woman. Some scary, some married and some available. purrs. The most interesting time was running into a Junior high school friend who dated one of two high school friends i keep in tough with. She was semi-drunk when i ran into her and she was totally excited to see me. My jaw dropped cause she looked completely great and in red. We talked awhile and then she left only to keep coming back to chat and she started flirting more each time. It must of been the alcohol making her lower her guards. The last visit she sits on my lap and I had my head looking backwards, so it completely surprised me. She accidently puts her hand on my joystick though[not that one Delia] and drove us into a bar table making a huge mess. Everybody was ok thankfully. I just laughed and laughed.
Other thoughts in my life lately are. My pain level has been very bad and i'm quite exhausted from the lack of sleep and fighting the non-stop pain. I tend to be quiet when online and feeling this way or more likely i'm not online. It's just a part of my life though and summer is on it's way. Work is boring and got a surprise raise. i also had a date Friday night and have a second this Friday. i am not overly excited as she moves away in March for the military. She looks soooo hot in her uni. lol |
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| anger |
[Dec. 17th, 2006|09:46 am] |
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I have felt angry at times lately for no reason i'm aware of yet. i have been noticing every little mean, or rude, or selfish action people do. i'm sure part of this is me being angry at myself. Is my anger cause of my fear of being all alone?, my disability?, my pain?, holiday season?, combination of all this, or my realization of others? Soo many possibilities. Maybe sleep will help me. i'm not angry normally. It isn't pften or alot, but it's there now and i don't like it. i'll just work on having more happy thoughts and self-actualization. |
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| My week |
[Dec. 16th, 2006|09:41 am] |
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I had an interesting week. My week started out with my birthday on Monday. My birthday was more quiet than it usually has been. This was the first year i didn't get any 'special' gifts since i can remember. i got a few warm and fuzzy gifts and severy happy birthday wish, which i treasure and love though. My folks forgot about my birthday. Mom called twice and never mentioned anything and dad was sorry he forgot. i spoil my parents and they forgot mine. Seems my dads memory is fading. Can't believe i'm 38. i just don't think of myself as being middle age. At least i don't look my age YET. i contribute this to having no children. The rest of the week i spent working on a project online, working and doing dinners and lunches with friends. i feel a void inside me since my release and hence am always slightly sad. |
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| wemotions |
[Dec. 1st, 2006|09:42 am] |
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Latnight myrelease teally hit mme. i sawit and itwas hard onme. Myemotions reallyy came crashimg aroumd 8. ikept saying thisis forthe best thati asked therelease. it's hard. ilove Avra yet iknow a Mistress/ppet relationshhip i=right now amd for awhile isn't workimg. i amvery emotional amd just kkep breakingdown. lonely/scared/sad/cold. ithamk my friennds for support. Had somevery goodemotional support from some and a cold shoulderfrom a two. Sorryabout my typoes. i'mgoing to go calm, butthought writimg would help me. |
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| weekly |
[Nov. 24th, 2006|10:36 pm] |
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It was a week that went by sooooooooo fast. Work was slow soo my mind worked overtime. i think this is good rather than bad. i didn't see too much of Avra except Wednesday. We talked a bunch which was good. It was a week for talks for me on and offline. |
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| Weekly Update |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|05:34 pm] |
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Had a very busy week with the exception on Friday night. How weird? i spent Saturday shopping and about to watch the DaVinci Code shortly. i've had very little to update on lately except i've been expressing my thoughts better. i've spent more time offline as it's help give me clarity. i've been much more happy overall. |
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| update |
[Nov. 12th, 2006|09:19 am] |
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This week just flew by for me. i have had a lot on my mind. Things on my mind have been my career, finding somebody in my offline life, health, and priorities. i've not been wanting to be online much. i started thinking about all the time i spend on talkers not talking. Why go on a talker if i'm not in the mood to talk?? You can only play soo much bj(grins) and hangman. i also realize a lot of people i just emote with. i don't get to know what's going on in their lives. i guess what got me thinking that was going tothe doctor this week. It always puts life into perspective. i do miss few people online though. i also question why i come online. Is it in hopes to get used? or am i bored or lonely or all the above and much much more. A few other things. i've started writing again and got a new computer. i'm excited and not. Can't wait to start edited videos and doing more work from home, but it'll be a pain setting up. Lots more going on in my head so i'll write again soon and i hope my online friends are doing better cause i have been concerned. |
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| Weekly Update |
[Nov. 2nd, 2006|08:41 pm] |
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I have been sick most of the week, but am feeling good finally. i hope everybody is or will be in better health. i have a friend up this weekend and am taking dad out for his birthday. A busy weekend ahead for sure. i had a nice talk with Mistress today and i have been doing more things for myself. i may be on a talker, but when it's quiet i'm on the phone, playing games, or writing. i just feel much happier. It could be that i feel better physically as well. i just had a great day today. A co-worker is moving to Los Vegas and has a job for me. i am going to look into moving next week as well. i can't wait to gamble. j/k not Real money. |
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| Weekly |
[Oct. 28th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
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I had a fairly draining week emotionally. i had a bad date Monday. Afew days later i get a very hurtful email from her and how she was upset i didn't put out etc. i then saw a second email from a friend online. i had noticed monday she had blocked me. i blocked Her in response. i read the 1st two lines then stopped. i couldn't handle more pain ad deleted the letter. i had no time after the emails cause Mistress was busy. It built up on me then i shared with the Demon who helped calm me. The next day i told Mistress and She held me and i felt soo much warmer and better. Now Mistress needs more support and i plan to provide as much as She possibly need. |
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| Busy |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|06:12 pm] |
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This week was quite a busy one. I was getting hit on tons this week. Had an ok date, Friday night. Playing cards with 2 woman who like me tonight. Another date with somebody else Monday. That's sorta the top of the iceberg in that department. Online is different. Mistress was very busy this week. Her one day off i worked which really sucked. We had very little quality time this week. i worry about Her over doing it. My works great. Took a team leader position on Friday. It's in the internet department. It'll be a little more stable in the fact i'll know what i'll be selling. i try not to be selfish, but i seem to catch myself more often lately. i'm in the i want or what about me, frame of mind lately. my health has been up and down, but mainly great since Wednesday. i seem to only want to spend time with Mistress or Her very good friend lately too. Just not been overly social lately. Part of that is fear i'll misbehave i'm sure. i sorta few numb around most everybody like Mistress. |
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| Weekly Update |
[Oct. 14th, 2006|01:33 pm] |
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I have been busy mentally as of late. i'm still quiet as i'm sure ALL of You have noticed. Please don't take it personal. i wonder if spending all this time online is healthy. i should be doing things with my friends or at the very least finding somebody to spend my future with. i should also be looking for more work as well. i want/need to make more money, so i can retire by like age 50. My goal was 36 when i was 18. 50 isn't all that bad though. i see my dad working at age 63 and it's rough. That's one reason i help my parents out soo they have cash to have fun with. Trish came over Thursday unanounced and kissed me which was wonderful. Next Friday i'm going out with two woman i'm attracted to. One i'm quite interested in. i need ideas of something fun to do. Any suggestions are welcomed. |
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| WEEKLY UPDATE |
[Oct. 7th, 2006|06:08 pm] |
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I had a rough week physically. i've been in lots of pain and it wore we down physically and mentally. i've been quiet and trying not to be crabby or cranky. This wweek flew by though. Seems the days go by faster and faster. Not much else to say. Hopefully i'll get out odf my lil rut and be my bratty self. |
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| weekly |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
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Was an interesting week and not so much in a good way. i'm doing much better, but i seem to not have much time on my hands lately. i've gotten a little burnt out with talkers recently and will step back a little and spend time by myself. i also want to keep an eye Mistress and be there for here more. Try being more supportive. |
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| Update |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|10:43 pm] |
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i had just an extremely busy week. Seems i'm a magnet for woman offline this week. i serious just feel tired from all of it. I had a good date on Thursday, but realized the person isn't healthy for me soo i'm putting and end to her/us romantically. i was/am sick, but my meds have me feeling alot better. i'm concerned about my sick sweet loving Mistress tonight. i really could of been used today, but some things just don't happen. i'm laying off the coffee and chocolate even more. Mentally i'm in a very good state besides my concerns for several of my friends health both online and off. i just got to wish the best for them and hope my online friends understand my offline interuptions will be increased. |
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| Weekly Update |
[Sep. 15th, 2006|08:49 pm] |
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i have had quite a week. Talk alot more with Mistress about alot of issues and am feeling better about us. i've been in alot of pain all week and am sick of it. It's wearing me down and today was quite the struggle. Past two weeks have been. Guess i need another trip but to a more specialized doc. My pain comes and goes and can't figure out what is causing it. Seems like offline has improved as i've decided to finally go on a date with somebody i've wanted to for a long time. i'm sooooo excited and can't wait. Hope everybody is well and having fun. |
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| Update |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|08:19 am] |
I feel pretty talked out the past few days. Alot on my mind that needed to be discussed. Always more obviously, but that's life. My past week has been very very busy and tiring. I realized alot about myself and others. Learned some very important things in Mistress's life. Was nice of Her to disclosed alot even though i didn't expect it. i have shared soo much with Her and She had kept things inside. We talked alot about our relationship. i have gotten frustrated with the lack of closeness. Things have changed and i don't quite know what to do. Will we grow or receed like i feel we have for awhile?
Offline i've been busy as well. i ended up having a date over the weekend and boy did we click. It was very nice and we have another date Friday. i'm very excited and am pondering being bad. 'grins'
Hope Everybody is well. Soft hugs to Everybody. |
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| weekly |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|09:27 am] |
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Insanely busy with friends. Watching movies. Cooking out with friends. I just want to be with Mistress who i'm missing sooooooo much. 'sighs' |
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